"I will never, ever be helpless"

By Sara S. Koehnke

I always have to blink a few times when people ask me what it’s like to have cerebral palsy. Especially considering I am a hand amputee, and don’t "look" like I have CP. It’s somehow assumed that all disabled people know each other and are experts on all disabilities. I do my best not to laugh, and politely explain I have no idea.

I’m learning, though. I am in the process of becoming a dive buddy for people with disabilities. Part of the course requires empathy training where I get the opportunity to dive as if I were blind, paraplegic, and quadriplegic. I can’t say that a handful of dives has transformed me into an expert, but my training taught me something about myself: I will never, ever be helpless.

We are never pointless, we are never without purpose, and we are never without ability. We are all different, sure, but we can do anything we want. So what if I tie my shoe with my elbow instead of my hand? I still get the job done. Because of my training, I know that if I lose my eyes today, I will be okay. If I become paralyzed, I will be okay. If I lose a limb, I will be okay. I will need to adjust, and I will need time, but I will always have the ability to scuba dive. I know that regardless of whatever potholes I tumble into throughout life, I will always have something I can do. I have never felt so free in my life, and I have to say I feel wonderful.

I don’t plan to tempt fate or hunt for trouble. I simply accept that life rarely comes with a road map, and though every one of us tries our best to peer ahead and prepare for what’s coming, there’s always something that comes too fast. The world that I am comfortable with and love today can completely invert tomorrow. I’m actually okay with that.

I am lucky to feel this mentality now because most people are rarely given the preface. Many people become disabled in the blink of an eye without knowing anything about the disabled community, the Paralympics, adaptive sports, and how many doors that actually open for people with disabilities. My hope is to continue diving, continue training, and maybe someday become an instructor. Maybe someday I can teach able bodied people and disabled people alike, that the word ability is self-defined.